Getting Over Having It All

"Having It All" is the line we are treated to when we are in school.

Of course you can! Want a super-career/big house in the suburbs/gorgeous and equally successful husband/2.5 kids/clean house/fabulous social life sure why not?

I think we get fooled into thinking that if we do not have all these items neatly checked off we are somehow failing and the massive self-help section at my local chain bookstore seems to support this notion.

I've been thinking about this over the past few months as I have felt like one of those who couldn't "hack it" since but instead of focusing on what I gave up I have realized what I have gained such as this moment.

This was taken in the middle of a weekday which never, ever would have happened before. I got to enjoy a moment of just pure Fun for no reason. (Which we all know is the best kind....) and I am finally realizing that this is where I may not have wanted to be but is where I need to be.

I think the myth of "Having it all" never lets us enjoy the present, we are always doing the mental checklist and always finding it and ourselves somehow lacking as a mother/wife/friend/sister/daughter/employee/boss and whatever other hat we wear throughout the day.

I think it is OK to focus on some roles more than others at times. Babies won't be babies forever (although if you would have told me that when Max was three months and I hadn't showered in 5 days I would likely have punched you.) and you won't get certain opportunities ever again so it is OK to let some roles take more importance at times. We are not failures for doing this but rather human. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend if she asked what you thought.

So what do I think, can we have it all?

Yes, I think we can have it all, but not all at the same time. So take what life throws at you and run with it, you may never get the chance again.

Things I wish I knew in High School

The other day, I received a note from an old Facebook friend letting me know that our high school had officially begun planning a reunion for later this year. She asked if I was planning on going and the truth is I am still not sure.

High school for me was some of the best years of my life and it did give me my4 BFF's who I don't know where I would be without them BUT it also gave me some of the worst/hardest life lessons ever. While in hindsight I should be grateful for them at the time, I never thought I would recover.

Some of the things I wish I knew in High School were;

1. Some guys will just say things to get in your pants.

Yes I know this is a lesson we all have to learn but I am still embarrassed of how naive and grown up I thought I was that I could handle all that comes along with listening to those type of high school boys.

2. Not every person you meet will be a true friend

For a girl in high school this is a hard but necessary lesson to learn. Not everyone you meet is looking out for you so choose your friends wisely and don't waste time obsessing over those who aren't

3. In a few years the cool people won't matter

You know the "cool" crowd? Well, for a lot of them, high school is their peak, their time to shine and the decisions they make will change the course of their lives and in some cases even diminish their potential. Don't be one of those people who peak in high school. There is life after high school and it can be fabulous if you let it.

4. Study, Study, Study

Have I made myself clear? There are many things that other people can take away from you like jobs, money, boyfriends, and even husbands but one thing nobody can take away is your education. Now I am not saying you must go to University (but it wouldn't hurt -that's the mother in me talking). Education opens doors that can never be closed. When you get out there in the big bad world, you want to make sure you have as tools as you can.

5. Listen to Yourself

What moves you? We have the great luxury in the time we live in that we chicks have options. Do you want to run your own company? Go for it! Want to travel the world by yourself? Do it! Fulfill your dreams, you only get one life as you so go live it!

6. Kiss Lots of Frogs

You have the rest of your life to be married to one person and trust me when you are old and gray your grandkids will be super impressed that you got around. Enjoy your single life, because trust me it will be the last time you get to do whatever you want whenever you want. Just because you haven`t found `the one`doesn`t mean you can`t enjoy the search. Haven`t you learned anything from Fairy Tales? Sometimes that guy that looks like a frog really is your Prince Charming, warts and all.

7. Yes, you will have to work hard and No there aren`t any shortcuts

If there is one thing that I have learned, is that everything worth having comes from hard work. Don`t go always looking for the easy way out because in the end it won`t make you happy. You won`t understand why but you will always feel a little cheated if you are always looking for the shortcut. It might seem easier, but in the end it is always harder.

8. Gather your tribe.

Surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed. Don`t listen to the haters, life is too short to spend it with people who don`t love you. True friends don`t compete with you and want you to be the best you can be. Your tribe can be whoever you want, family, friends, co-workers heck you might even meet a stranger in a coffee shop who will end up being your bestie - just make sure you grab those kindred spirits and keep them with you.

Whew, those are some pretty heavy things to learn in 4 years of High School. This is probably why we don`t learn these things until way later.

So what about you? What do you wish you learned in High School?

Dating Advice from a Mom in the Suburbs

So who should you take dating advice from?

That's right singletons, I am talking to you.

When you have that great date, which ends in a fabulous make out session (or more) and then you agonize about whether he/she will call you again - who is usually on the other side of the brunch table? That's right it's your single best friend/main mo. Why? They usually have the time (and need) for eggs benedict and Caesar's (cause I'm Canadian and that's what we drink when we are so hungover we can't take off our sunglasses in the diner) .

So they listen to you and offer sage advice ("call him/no don't call him/wait 3 days/wait 5 days/call him only for booty calls/I'll crank call him and see if he answers") and what happens to that sizzling date -- It.Never.Happens.Again. Why? It's because you took advice from a single person. Why is that important you say? Well, if they knew the secret to this whole dating thing - then they wouldn't be single.

Do you get medical advice from someone who still hasn't graduated medical school but they've been trying really hard for 10 years, of couse not you go to a graduated, certified with paperwork MD. That's why all you fabulous chicks/guys - the person you need dating advice from is someone who is already married. They knew enough about the dating scene to wade through all the duds and find the one person who thinks that they are awesome enough to want to share a bathroom with them and all of life's other grossness with them.

I have a whole group of smart, successful, beautiful, accomplished and overall uber-fabulous friends who just can't find the right person and since I now live in the burbs with the cutest husband , let's call him DH (Dear Husband) and toddler, Max. I can't make those Sunday Morning brunches (insert le sigh here) I will write about how I made it through the many (and I mean many) duds and found my own "Lobster". (thank you "Friends")

These are the things I would say to my friends when they call if my toddler didn't threaten to throw themselves down the stairs, swallow marbles, and destroy the sofa the minute I turned my head.

So I know I am about a zillion years late to the blog party but I hope you find my stories, tips, and advice helpful because although I think being single is fabulous it always helps to have someone around you thinks you are as fabulous as you know you are.

I hope to make this a regular feature because first I need to write something that my non-mom friends will find interesting and second, because I'm bossy and I love telling other people what to do with their lives. Wait? Does that make me a smug married?

The Question

So this weekend, I finally got asked the question I have been dreading for 5 months.

I was at a friend's party and I got the "So what do you do?" question. The answer used to be easy "Well I am a director at an ad agency blah, blah, blah" I would rattle off the name of my agency and the clients I worked for, wait for the usual, suitably impressed response and move on. Now the question is much more loaded "What do I do?"

Well I take care of a crazy, uber-active 2 year old, trying to make sure he doesn't turn into a serial killer, or wife abuser. I help my husband in his business, I mean someone has to make money around here.. :P and I am in the midst of launching my own business all while trying to maintain a semi-clean home and make edible dinner creations. How does one fit that into a witty one liner remark at a dinner party?

The answer is you don't or at least I didn't know how to and merely mumbled "Well, you know I am taking some time to take care of Max..." and slunk away back to the bar. What the hell kind of answer was that? Why was I so ashamed of taking this detour off the corporate ladder and do the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life? I feel like I became the exact kind of woman I used to judge. The stereotypical career woman who couldn't hack the big leagues once they became a mom. Well the jokes on me, who would have thunk I would become one of them?

I have been thinking about this all weekend and I still don't have an answer. On the one hand, the Stay at Home mom is revered by society as the solution to all the ills in children but the answer I got in return at the party was a glazed-eyed "Great, great, most important job in the world.." as they scanned the room for someone more interesting-slash-important-slash helpful to their career.

Why is the choice we make never the right one?

Why are working moms made to feel that they are short-changing their children while Stay at Home moms feel like they "wasted" their education and "What kind of example are you setting for your sons & daughters anyways?"

My short answer to this if Max were to ask is that I want to show him that you only get to live once and that you should live with no regrets and based on your rules not somebody else's and that being happy is always more important than being rich.

I think that's enough for now, right? I mean he is only 2. Perhaps we should focus on the difference between a circle and a square for now and save the hard stuff for say 4 years old.